ridgecrest camps out!

Thursday was a great way to end the (regular) summer. The Apache participated in the Tin Man, which is a race in which they have to run around the lake and stop at like six different stations and complete some sort of task. It was a lot of fun because the campers get really into it and it's pretty easy for the staff. One of our kids just TORE IT UP. He completed the race in like 10 mintues, which was a full minute ahead of anyone else. It was insane. Coincidentally, it was our Mexican camper and one of the staffers started to make a remark linking his ethnicity with his success in the race, but I stopped him politely. Lord knows if he had kept going, I would have stopped him in a much more voilent way. That night we cleaned really hard during our hill clean-up time, because we shut down our cabins on closing day. Tribal fire was that night, and the Little Chiefs made a huge fire, as usual. What is the word I'm looking for... overcompensation? I don't remember. Oh well. After our children delivered a number of incredibly insightful talks, including listing their favorite skills, I headed over to Arapaho tribal fire and talked to those kids. I really enjoyed the Arap tribe this two weeks. After that, I went back to the Lake Lodge and hung out. Little did I know it, but Karen Neal would soon reveal her terrifyingly violent side. She and Kelly got into it... again. And, in front of Ron, Karen punched Kelly in the face with a closed fist. She wasn't playing around, clearly. I was crying laughing, but from some reason, Ron didn't think it was funny. He reminded them that injuries of that sort are not covered under Worker's Comp. Who knew? The next day was the final closing day of the regular summer. Our song was the best at Closing Ceremony because our toothless, completely insane child Jonathan, screamed it at the top of his lungs and made the entire gym laugh hysterically. This was an improvement for him. Earlier in the day, he was so sad that his horseback skill was over that he pretended like he was a horse, getting on all fours, neighing, and eating grass, all the while refusing to stand up. God love him. We had an incredible banquet last night. The girls decorated in a camping theme. Appropriate, huh? The gift was amazing, and I got my 10-year award. Woohoo. After banquet, we had what I can only describe as a Spirit-filled worship service at girls camp. It was just a perfect way to end the summer. After that, we took a late night trip to Denny's. The incredibly sketchy male waiter and his ambiguously homosexual fellow waiter were not pleased to seat a group of 35 at 1 AM. However, my food was fine despite the fact that the sketchiness of our service made me lose a little of my appetite. Random note. For some reason, Tucker was unable to say the last name "Watkins" for about an hour last night. I have no clue why. After Denny's, we went to Royal Gorge and just looked out, talked, and danced a little until 3. It was amazing. I just loved the staffs this summer. We gelled really well. But, most of them are gone now, so it's time to move on. Starter Camp starts tomorrow. Woohoo.

crazy days.

Man, camp is winding down. It's more than a little unbelieveable. I can feel it though. My body is starting to get tired. But, after this week, Starter Camp is taking place, which is where we host a one-week camp for new, young campers. I am excited because my staff is frickin amazing for Starter Camp. So, Tuesday was our last alone night in camp. The kids love it because they feel like they are in charge of camp. We took them out to the waterfront and had free swim for about an hour, then cooked them dinner. We had canteen and then Counselor Hunt, which was much better this time around. Last time, our kids could not find any counselors. It was really sad. They just walked around for like an hour. This time, three counselors were found in the first ten minutes. It slowed down from there, but it was much more successful. The game was over at 8, and I sent the kids to bed, which made their counselors really happy. They got like 10 hours of sleep that night. That night, I hung out in the A/V Cage and watched "Arrested Development," which may be one of my new favorite shows. Then I went downstairs and watched "Mean Girls" with the central staff, wishing that Lindsay Lohan had never discovered the mix of eating disorders and cocaine that resulted in the pasty, emaciated skeleton we see now. Someone feed Lindsay. Or at least send her back to the tanning bed. Wednesday was an easy day. We had OAP games in the afternoon, which meant I didn't have to be in charge, which is a nice change of pace. I walked into dinner and saw sandwiches on the table and immediately knew that I would have to go somewhere else. Karen Neal and I went to No. 1 China down the road. We placed our order at 6:35 PM. At 6:55 PM, we were still waiting for our food. I turned to Karen and asked her to go up to the counter to ask about our food because I knew that if the man behind the counter told me that it wasn't ready, I would jump over the counter, punch him in the throat, and then fix it myself. However, there was no need for actions of that sort because he had our food. The sweet tea was miserable. It tasted like someone added sugar to lemon juice. Two thumbs down. I guess I can't complain too much, though. Sweet tea really isn't a staple over in Red China. The campwide OA for the night was Bedlam Ball, which meant I got to stand around and kick balls back into the circle for an hour. Usually, we accidentally hit children with balls. Last night, however, Lauren Hogan kicked a ball at full speed and struck me directly across the face. I thought Jesus was going to have to come intercede to keep me from exploding in a ball of fire. However, Lauren fell to her knees and asked for forgiveness. Actually, she was rolling on the ground laughing, but I accepted the apology that I knew she wanted to give. The picture above is my response. That night, there was a party for the SALT guys, but I didn't go. There were a number of factors that kept me from really enjoying the experience. However, good news is here, my friends. Mr. Philip Erwin Bebeau is coming back to work Starter Camp. Mmhmm... Saltines return!

it's the freakin weekend

So, Friday was relatively uneventful, as many days have been. We played "Chair Games" in the gym and then had a scavenger hunt for the evening. We found out that one of our children is a gymnast and can do back handsprings and stuff, but, let's be honest, he's no Sweet Drew. That night, Brandon Fields and the Shelburnes all got in town, which was freakin awesome. I had Scavenger Hunt, and the cabins went and found things. Such is the nature of a scavenger hunt. That night, we hung out around camp. We had to be up early on Saturday, so we went to sleep early. I woke up at 4:45 AM on Saturday morning for Central Staff Breakfast. I was worried that I would be absolutely exhausted, but it ended up being fine. We were all really excited to be there and it was a blast. My job was making pancake mix, which I would say I did very well. They were cinnamon sugar pancakes, and they were real good. During the breakfast, we do a bunch of crazy stuff. We start by going into cabins at like 6:45 and turning on the lights in the cabin, screaming "WACKY ZANY" and shooting the kids and the counselors with water guns. The looks on their faces are priceless. Then, during the meal, we use water balloon launchers to shoot cartons of milk over the kids' heads. The cartons always hit the rafters and explode, pouring milk on the tables below. It's hilarious. One of my counselors wore a rain jacket to keep himself from getting doused in milk. Then, we bring out the Grit Train, which is a cart we push around the dining hall, feeding the children cheese grits. Then, each tribe volunteers one kid who takes part in the Grit Challenge, where they are given a bowl of grits and whoever eats it first wins. Unfortunately, my child decided to vomit in his bowl, not tell anyone, and keep eating. I know. It grossed me out too. But give it a few days, then it will be really funny. I promise. After breakfast, we had Superman Sock War, which was funny because Jason Browning wore a pair of red underwear with a "sculpted pouch" which elicited a number of unabashed stares from other people. Awkward. The rest of Saturday was pretty uneventful. We had skills in the afternoon and Diamond Smuggling at night. Saturday night was Midnight Skating, which was amazing. My brother wore a pair of bright green overalls and nothing else. My sister wore a shirt that helped spell "Go Drama Club." Because they are ridiculously awesome. The night was fun, except some rookie and stupid girls camp staffers told the skating rink to play only 80's music. My sister and I helped change that. Sunday... worship, Nibble Nook, Council Ring. Nothing huge there. Sunday night was Tapouts at girls camp. My sister got tapped out for Belle. Chace and I went to watch. Caitlen was so happy for us to be there. We said a few words to the group as a whole, then sat with Caitlen and prayed over her. It was so awesome. And then, as we were leaving, Chace gave her his Little Chief feather and hugged her. It was so cool to watch. I went back to watch Caitlen start her fire. I was floored because they tell the girls to pray over every piece of wood, and Caitlen literally lifted every piece of wood, big or small, up over her head and prayed over it. As her fire lit, she fell back and prayed. It was so amazing watching her. The next day, Chace and I went over to girls camp for the lifting of the Silence Ban. My sister made it! It was so freakin awesome! She was so happy, and I have to admit that it made me so proud. The rest of the day went pretty quickly. My kids went on a campout, and Bobby and I jogged halfway to the campsite to visit them. Clearly, we walked the other half of the way. We brought them marshmallows and then came back to camp. I hadn't eaten all day, so I asked Lauren Hogan to take me to get food. Oh, and I needed her to buy me said food because I left my wallet in Erika's car which, by that point, was in Virginia. Awesome. The jury is still out on when that will get to me. So, we asked Karen Neal to go with us, but she had other, less important obligations, so we made fun of her. But then we ran from her and left her, which resulted in a number of very angry voicemails and Lauren and I watching our back because we feared her stabbing us. No joke. But, we made up and went to Canteen after I got back with my Subway meal. Umm, that is all. Sorry it's so long and took so long to post. But really, deal with it.

messy games... again.

So... the girls came over and we had messy games... again. This was the third time this summer that we have had to endure messy games. And this time, they honestly crossed the line in the messiness they brought over. Usually, I looooooooove being covered in gross stuff. Wait. That was a lie. But, they brought Ranch dressing and relish. Can I even begin to explain the revulsion that coursed through my body? No, in fact. I cannot. But let it suffice to say that vomit kept attempting to come out of me. But I said, "No, vomit. Stay down." And it did. The ranch curdled in the intense sunlight. I mean, honestly. Disgusting. We tried to do this game where we styled staffers' hair with Cool Whip and then throw Cheetos and see how many can stick, but the Cool Whip melted almost immediately. I mean, seriously. We had an egg toss, and there were two girls from Mexico who speak very limited English, so I went over and tried to explain the rules to them. Apparently, my Spanish isn't quite good enough to explain simple rules for tossing eggs. Go figure. So, I called over one of my campers named Carlos who is from Mexico. He then attempted to explain the rules, but he ended up saying, "Tienen que throw this al pelo de los counselors." Essentially, his Spanglish was ineffective. So, we just left the girls to learn from experience. Welcome to America, I guess. Then, that night was Guerilla Warfare. We threw water balloons. The end. Thursday was my day off. I bought a Bible. It was expensive. It made me angry because, clearly, Jesus would not gouge people for money. Bible-selling jerks. The day was relatively uneventful, otherwise. I got my rooming assignment for Spain. I am living with an old widow without children, which is literally the exact opposite of what I requested. Awesome. Yay for geriatric housing in foreign nations! Adios.

i lift mine eyes up.

Yesterday was another relatively uneventful day at camp. We did normal things all day, and then, after lunch, packed packs and stuff to go on a campout. I have a kid in my tribe who is severely asthmatic and can't spent the night away from his nebulizer and electricity, so I drove him up to the campsite and drove him back. We went to camp at Royal Gorge, which is a really pretty campsite that is also accessible by road. I pulled up and the kids were collecting wood for the fire, which was an encouraging sight. After we let them stop, some kids decided that the best way to entertain themselves would be playing in the soot from previous fires. For some children, this was acceptable and they participated in the soot in moderation. One child, however, decided to forego any seblance of common sense in regard to playing in soot. He leaned down and covered himself from head to toe. Being completely honest, if I didn't know who he was, I would think that he was an African-American. In fact, one of my staffers made a comment about that, but I won't validate it by repeating it. Let it suffice to say that he was a convincing black man. We made packet meals for the campout, which are phenomenal. (Sidenote about packet meals... Unfortunately, I forgot that we were making them until halfway through rest period. Oops... my bad.) The kids love them. This time, the meat was pre-cooked, so all we had to do was heat it up. That made them even better. Of course, there was a child who complained the entire time we asked him to eat. In fact, he told us that he was going to throw up, so he went over to the bushes with a counselor and "gagged" for about 10 minutes. Clearly, he was attempting to make himself sick. He eventually gave up and went and played. My asthmatic camper started feeling bad around 7:15, so I took him back to camp and got him his breathing treatment. He showered and we hung out around camp for a while. I hung out in the Video Cave with the Hogans and finally went to Shawnee Film Festival at 9:30. The movies were hilarious. Then, I freakin went to sleep. I was so dang tired. So... Wednesday. Here we go.

trippin

Well, we have officially begun the last 2-week session here at camp this summer. Opening Day went pretty well. Nothing major happened. I sat at the skills table and checked in campers all day. This session is smaller than the others, so there weren't very many kids without their skills already in the computer, thankfully. The parents were nice overall, and my cousin Shelton came, which was great. We had the Amazing Race, which was amazingly boring as usual. It was exciting to see old campers that have grown up. That night, the Tribal Leaders ran Canteen, which was hilarious. We put our shirts over our faces and I had three different campers approach me to tell me that I look like a terrorist. I leaned over to them and whispered that if they said it one more time, I would blow their cabin up. I didn't really say that to them, but I should have. Don't make me go Middle Eastern. It's in my blood. Pillow Polo was that night, and Cabin 3 won, breaking Cabin 2's summer-long win streak. It was a game for the ages. We put them to bed and I got to sit in front of the Lake Lodge with Shannon and Lauren, hearing them tell stories. Then, we went to get a fountain drink. Awesome. I woke up Monday morning feeling exhausted, but excited because Monday is trip day. The weather was perfect for a trip out to Sliding Rock. With our incredible bus driver Becky, we took to the road and got to Sliding Rock around 4. It was hot outside, which apparently meant that all of Western North Carolina decided to slide down a rock on that particular day. I mean, it was RIDICULOUS. There were so many people there. Oh, the kind of people that frequent Sliding Rock on a weekday. It was a veritable freak show at some points. Now, I had no problem with the people themselves. My issue was with they way in which they slid down the rock. To me, and call me crazy if you must, it seems that, when there are 100 people in line to slide, you don't take your precious time. You line up and go down one after the other. Well, the people yesterday went down the rock like they owned the freakin place. And, because it is governmentally owned and operated, they technically do, but whatever. These people took at least a minute in between each person. People actually cheered for us when we sent our kids down in a timely manner. It was hilarious. I considered sending one of my staff members to the top of the rock and letting him tell people how to go down. But, I didn't. We started heading out around 5:30. As we were getting our stuff together at the top of the hill, up walks Karen, Lauren, Jared, and Holz. They were like, umm... you're leaving? So, in the interest of getting pictures, they went with us to eat at Lil' Siena. The food was just amazing. I mean, thank you Jesus for my tastebuds. We went back to camp after that... and slept. Amen.

so long, 2a

So, I know it's been a while. Let's see... starting with Wednesday. Nothing big. OAP day. We played a bunch of tag games. That night was Gold Rush. Honestly, what is better than watching children chase full-speed after a moving truck in hopes that they will catch a piece of gold-painted rock? Well, clearly, there are lots of things better than that. But it's still cool. After Gold Rush, we sent the kids to Spilman to watch a movie while the staff went and hung out at Boscobel. I was only there for a little while because I needed to rest and prepare myself for Mystery Late Night Dinner, which took place that night. We went into the cabin at roughly 11:25PM in hopes of waking children up and making them cry or at least complain a lot. However, this group of children was overly excited and couldn't wait to get there. That may have something to do with the fact that these children took enough medicine to supply a small third-world country with all its attention-deficit-fixing needs. Guatemala, call me. We went to Huddle House which smelled characteristically of cigarette smoke and sketchy people. And yes, sketchy people have a smell. I just may be the only one who can smell it. As is usual for SALT guys, one of the guys did something embarassing. Last time, Pat Patterson spilled an entire Coke cup on the table and yelled really loud. This time, Doug Schwarz flicked a paper football into the booth in front of us. A child then turned around, reached over, and asked for the football back. Doug then said, "She wouldn't have noticed if you didn't ask for it." Unfortunately, she was a he. Party foul. Then, one of my children made up members of his family while insisting that they existed, including a brother who steals cars and is in jail in Australia. Lies. One of my children ordered only a tossed salad. There it is. From there, we went back to camp, where we got little sleep. I woke up the next day and not the tiniest bone in my body wanted to get out of that bed. But, I did. That afternoon, the SALT guys were scheduled to run the OA, which was Tin Man. A ridiculously large thunderstorm put an end to that and we played Chair Tic-Tac-Toe. Thank you Dv8. Then, my cousin Helen came to visit and I showed her around camp and took her to see my family over at the girls camp. It was awesome. That night, Lauren Hogan and I attempted to go find a Bojangle's. Unfortunately for us, the closest one was closed. We drove around to the drive-thru window, where there was a large black man sitting in the window, back towards us, smoking a cigarette. He looked at us and looked away. Obviously, we sat there until he came outside and talked to us. We inquired as to what the hours of operation were for that restaurant, and he responded eloquently by saying, "6AM to 9Pm or some sh-t." I was a little astonished that that man thought it was appropriate to curse like that, but whatever. We drove away and I called 411 and asked for the nearest Bojangles in Asheville. The man on the line said "I don't have a listing for a Bo Jangles." I laughed and explained to the Yankee on the line that Bojangles is, in fact, a restaurant and not a person. As though I would interact with someone named Bo Jangles. So, we finally found one. We pulled in at 9:53, knowing that the restaurant closed at 10. We ordered and the man behind the window said, "Sorry, credit card machine is down." I politely asked where the nearest ATM was, and he informed me that he would be closed by the time I returned. I was not about to give up, so Lauren and I stared at him for a solid minute. He finally said, "I can try and run the card," which is code for "I am lazy and don't feel like doing my job." Clearly, he had already run the report for the machine for the night. Well, amazingly, my card went through. Unfortunately, the food SUCKED. It was cold and lumpy. I don't like cold or lumpy, but put them together and they make me even more unhappy. But, I was thankful for a biscuit and a nice fountain drink. Friday... closing. Nothing much happened. We sent Brant and Gage home, which obviously made me cry. It was so sad. But, I was ready to just hang for Session Break. I got a sweeeeeeeeet package from Lil Mer and then the Olsons came up to visit. I got to hang out with Elisabeth that night at Montreat and then had dinner at the Hendersons. I hung out all day on Saturday with everyone, attended the groundbreaking for the chapel, and went to a nice buffet for dinner. Staff worship was amazing, and it was sad to realize it was our last one. Session 2B has begun. Post. Script. Please, please, please pray for peace in Lebanon and Israel.

silence, mis amigos.

Let me start with Monday. We went camping. Clearly, camping in the woods with 30 children is not heaven for me, but we did it. We went down to Joshua's Hollow, which is a relatively short hike from camp. My kids completed the hike really quickly and without much complaining, which was incredibly surprising. Usually, they are not exactly happy and free from complaint, so it was a nice break from real life. The campout was relatively uneventful. The kids (for the most part) paid attention and didn't do anything too bad. We cooked hot dogs, and a very limited number of children dropped theirs in the fire. It was great. The only problem arose when, at about 8 PM, I look back on the trail about 20 yards from the campsite and see a child standing there completely naked, holding his clothes in his hand. I go get his counselor and send him to talk to the child. Apparently, he crapped himself because he didn't want to use the woods. Now, call me crazy, but I would MUCH RATHER hold on to a tree and poop than do it in my pants and be covered by it. But, maybe that's just me. It was funny (in a sad way) because another counselor went up to him first and asked him what happened, and the kid was like, "Well... I... umm... well... Didn't you do it when you were little?" Oh... children. We put the kids to bed at like 9:30. We planned on waking up at 7:45, but at 7, I hear a child in his sleeping bag talking. However, unlike the 10 other children talking, he wasn't talking to anyone in particular or even speaking in his normal voice. Oh no. He was saying the word "Pikachu" over and over in an incredibly annoying high-pitched voice. I told him to stop twice, but he kept doing it. So, I sat straight up and said, "Tommy, if you have the slightest idea what is good for you, you will stop sayin that. It is too early for that." Apparently, he had the slightest idea, cause he stopped that mess immediately. We packed up and headed back to camp. I spent most of the day preparing for our afternoon OA, which was Chinese Expedition again. I went to Eckerd and Ingles to purchase supplies. When I got back, there had been a fight between some of our kids so I had to call a mom and tell her that her son was going to be sent home if stabbed with a stick or bit a child one more time. It was awesome. The kids were lucky enough to get an almost two hour rest period. We got them out to the circle, took them to Canteen, and I got kidnapped. Everything went the same as last time, but I jumped in the water this time to hit them dead on with water balloons, as you can see above. The food was, as usual, miserable, so the staff ordered from a Chinese restaurant. It was great, although it reminded me so much of ordering from China One like every week in the 106. Sadness. Then, we played Sheep and Wolves, which is essentially Sharks and Minnows on land. I whisper in the children's ears which role they are. Unfortunately, they don't listen to me, so they were perpetually confused. I put them to bed around 8:45, which was amazing. I then went straight up to the Video Cage, where I hung out and laughed with Jared, Lauren, Tucker, and Karen until 12:15. Oh, camp. It was amaysing.

weekends.

So, this weekend was pretty much stinkin awesome. Saturday was a great day, as usual. Sock War was themed Mission Imsockable III. After Sock War, we had lunch and rest period, blah blah blah. Skills were in the afternoon, but then time for Carnival came. It was funny and a little awkward when the people showed up to set up the inflatable games, because one of the campers walked by them and goes, "What up, carnies?" Like I said, awkward, but hilarious. All the girls showed up and I got in the dunking booth, which was almost unbearable. I mean, the water was frigid. I was terrified of going in every time. Fortunately, the children who waited in line were terrible at throwing a baseball, and I only went in like 6 or 7 times. However, that was enough to require a really hot shower before I came back down for Carnival. It was fun hanging out at Carnival because I got to hang out with my sister, which was awesome in two ways. First, there is the obvious benefit of getting to spend time with her. However, I have to admit that there was also an ulterior motive. She was spending copious amounts of time with hormonal boys. By hanging out with her, I prevented her from furthering those relationships. She did, however, ask me to take her picture with one of the boys. I took the picture, but the kid wouldn't smile. After like two tries, I was just like, "Dude, do you possess the ability to smile?" He tried... but it still didn't really work. I was a little disappointed. I walked around, tellin my children to get Ron dollars, which they did pretty dang well. Cabin 3 won Mystery Late Night Dinner, so I eagerly anticipate the stories that will come out of that trip. We put the kids to bed, and then we had a party on the dock for the staff. It was themed TV Land and everyone dressed up as a different TV character. I was the White Ranger from Power Rangers... obviously. There were some amazing costumes, including the four girls who dressed up as the Golden Girls. It was... interesting. They were the hottest women ever. Is that weird? I mean, not that I wanted to make out with them or anything, ok? That's not what I was saying... umm... Ok, moving on. The party was great. Chicken wings, bug juice, crazily dressed staff members. What more could you ask for? Not much, clearly. I went to sleep after that, which was great because we sleep in on Sundays. I woke up a little early, showered, and then did the breakfast, meeting, church thing. It was cool. Staff meeting was uneventful, but then we encountered the meal to rival all meals at Camp Ridgecrest. Roast beef, biscuits, mashed potatoes, green beans, sweet tea, and pie. I mean, how much more southern could it get? I was in heaven the entire time. Then, we had the most efficient staff meeting ever, and had a little rest period. I sat out in front of the Lake Lodge with Noah, the nurse's son and watched some Conference Center staffers blob. They decided that they were above the rules, so they did not wear life jackets or go off the correct side of the blob. I was sitting with Ron, and he didn't like it very much. Then, a girl and her friend came to blob with the others, and she thought it was appropriate to park her car in the middle of the road. Clearly, this became a problem quickly. So, we announced in the most passive-aggressive way possible that the owner of the white Saturn needed to come move her car from the middle of the road immediately. She did, and it was funny. While we were outside, we told Noah that he couldn't come to Nibble Nook with us because he had blond hair. We told him that a new rule was in place stating that blond children weren't allowed inside. We tried to prove it by dividing every tribe that came down into blond and non-blond children. He didn't think it was all that funny, though. But that was ok, because we sure did. My kids were a little confused though. We got them all lined up and walked on over to Nibble Nook, where they gorged themselves on ice cream and anything else they could manage to buy. They go freakin crazy in that place. They literally buy so much disgusting food! If they at like that more than once or twice a summer, they would die of heart disease at 20. I just buy myself a little fountain drink and watch the show unfold. Fountain drinks are my one little slice of normalcy here. I don't know why, but they have become my favorite treat this summer. When everyone else gets ice cream and desserts, I treat myself to a little Coke from the fountain. It's very nice. Last night, we had Council Ring. I had the worst song I have had all summer, which was due in part to the fact that my kids are overwhelmingly ADD, but also because it just wasn't written all that well. I almost didn't get to sing it because I sassed our camp director pretty badly. It was funny, but I may have crossed the line. We went to Denny's after Council Ring, and dealt with the angry mo for a manager that they have there. He was poorly dressed and angry at life. Oh well. The food was good.

it's been far too long.

Well, I know that I haven't exactly posted in a while. Needless to say, this has been a very busy little session up here. Let's see... Wednesday. We met up with the girls again for Messy Games. There was the usual look of terror when I told the boys that they would be pairing off with girls. However, I told them that their job for the day was to get the girls as disgusting and dirty as possible. Of course, they erupted in cheers and ran to pair off with the girls, all the while sporting mischevious grins. It took a little convincing to convey the fact that the egg toss really was about NOT breaking the eggs. The boys were preparing to throw the eggs AT the girls as hard as they could. Luckily, that did not transpire. The messiness of the games was increased this time around by the addition of strawberry syrup and shortening to the mix. It was decidedly vomit-inducing. And, after careful consideration, we decided to bring back Steal the Watermelon. This time around, the kids were much more into the game, with much fighting and running going on. I thoroughly enjoyed it. We did a picnic with the girls on the Middle Green again, which was a good time. But, my group this two weeks is incredibly ADD and wild. They are fun as anything, but they are a freakin handful. So I watched them chase each other and other living things throughout dinner. That night was Newspaper Party, which is one of my least favorite OAs ever. The game essentially consists of the gym being divided into four different sections, one for each tribe. Then, each tribe gets a huge pule of newspapers and play like 6 or 7 different games with them. My children are tiny. They are the smallest kids in camp, and Apache is the smalles tribe in camp numbers-wise. Obviously, we ended in 4th place, which I just get soooooo frustrated about. And people just get all up in my kids' faces about playing the game. Like, the oldest in-camp tribe just intimidates them and yells. I just want to kick those children in the face and tell them to just let my kids enjoy their time. Oh well. That night, it rained and a bunch of Central Staffers were hanging out in the receptionist's office. Things went somewhat crazy when Karen randomly took Kelly's shoe, threw it into the rain, and then punched her in the face and arm. For some reason, the fist fight was accompanied by laughter on the parts of both the women involved. I can't really begin to explain what happened. But, it was awesome. Karen admitted she was scared of Kelly, but then said, "Bears are more scared of you than you are of them, but they will still rip your face off." Clearly, I will never knowingly anger Karen Neal. Then, Thursday was my day off. We went to Goodwill, where Shannon found me a Vineyard Vines bowtie for $1. No, I did not mistype that. The bowtie cost one dollar. It was amazing. I also got a sweeeet Wake hat made at Lids. The rest of the day, I went to eat at Chilis, went to WalMart, and came back to camp. Then, I took a salad to Merrimac and ate dinner with Elisabeth, and met my best friends Katy Robb and Dave Roddy. It was incredible. I came back to camp for Campfire, and then stayed up late hanging out. Friday was relatively non-eventful. We had Mass Soccer in the afternoon, which was fun. The kids actually played and just enjoyed themselves. After it was over, I jumped in my car and met Elisabeth and her family for dinner at My Father's Pizza. I am mildly obsessed with the Holby's. They are just awesome. We were eating dinner, and I looked down at my watch and realized that I had seven minutes to get back to camp for Retreat. I was like, "Umm, gotta go. Thanks." And then I just like ran out of there. Luckily, I got back on time. We had a mediocre dinner, which I didn't have time to eat, even if I had wanted to, because one of my children was so homesick that he had been crying for three hours. I tried to console him, but to no avail. What's going on with him is still uncertain. We shall see. Then, we had Water Barrier for our evening OA. We call it Water Barrier because the kids have too much fun when we call it the Dam Building Contest. Oh, children and their dirty mouths. Sinners.

P.S. The picture is one I took of the dog named Daisy our nurse's husband brought up for a few days. She was too dang cute.

saltines...

I just need to say that I wish I was as awesome as the Saltines that I miss. Philip Bebeau is such a freakin stud. I miss all those guys. Shirley, Patrick, Legeai. They are awesome. I just felt like those guys needed another shoutout. Ooh yes.

just walk away.

Oh, Kelly Clarkson. I mean, I don't know exactly what to say other than the fact that she is pretty much awesome. We were 12th row for the concert last night. And let me tell you one thing. That girl can siiiiiiiiiing. The set list was amazing, first of all. She did a bunch of songs off of "Breakaway," a few from "Thankful," but did a bunch of songs from her new CD. They were pretty dang sweet. And then she decided she would be awesome and did a Ray LaMontagne song called "Shelter" and a Marc Broussard song called "Home." And on home, the four of us at the concert had to pick our jaws off of the floor. She tore it up! It was incredible. Now, let me just comment on some of the people that attended this show. First of all, there were the large groups of girls in their early- to mid-twenties. It was really awkward because we were walking into the concert and a bunch of them were in the parking lot tailgating. I was wondering if i had missed the memo where we were supposed to dress like sluts and get smashed before going to see KELLY CLARKSON in concert. I even walked past one "lady" who was wearing a bikini top and skanky short skirt. I just laughed at her, because she thought that it was appropraite to leave her house like that. Nasty, put some clothes on. Then, there were the 12 year old girls. Three of them sat behind us and had apparently been practicing their best screams because they hurt my ears. I wanted to hurt them. In front of us, this mother and father and unidentified other woman brought two young girls to the concert. Watching the father dance was my favorite thing in the world because he had absolutely no rhythm. I laughed because I felt bad for his wife. There were also a number of incredibly creepy men who looked like their mugshots belonged on the registered sex offender website instead of at a concert with young girls. I was incredibly sketched out. I didn't laugh at them because they made me a little nauseous. Then, finally, the funniest group there... the flaming homosexuals. I mean, there was absolutely no doubt in your mind about who was gay. They were wearing Kelly tshirts that would be too small for a 7 year old girl. They had enough gel in their hair to appease a troupe of Elvis impersonators. And they jumed and screamed and sang and threw their hands in the air more than the young girls. I went into the bathroom and three guys came in and in the most effiminate voice I have ever heard, one of them said, "Eww, this toilet is so yucky." I was just thinking what the reaction would be if they encountered the bathrooms here at camp. Not even the newest Cher CD would be able to save them from their terror. Let's just say that Caleb and I were glad to be in the company of two women. We didn't have to worry. On the way home, we got to stop at COOOOOOOOKOUT!!! It was one of the happiest moments I have had in a long time. However, let me just say that the Cookouts outside of Winston-Salem pale in comparison. The manager was incredibly rude. I asked for 4 HUGE waters, and got 4 small cups of ice. And then when we asked for a cup of water, he rolled his eyes. He better be glad my window didn't work cause I would have jumped through both those windows and punched him in that angry little face. He doesn't know me. I will beat someone. Don't try me, Cookout Window Man. Don't try me.

take me out...

So, yesterday we took our children on a trip. We went to a putt-putt place in Black Mountain called Shadowbrook. There are two different courses. I usually consider myself to be relatively good at putt-putt, but yesterday, that course bent me over its knee and spanked me mercilessly. I just failed... over and over and over. I think I can blame my poor performance on the heat, however. I was hot as a pistol out there. Shannon and I played in front so we could be ready for the kids at the end, and we busted through that course like the Devil was after us. We played incredibly quickly, which is another apparent reason for my score. So, in other words, the score was not really indicative of my talent. After the game, the kids got to play arcade games for a little while, which was a great way to waste time and money. Then we took them to Fuddrucker's, which was fun except for my interaction with the manager. I talked to the manager on Sunday, making sure our prices were what I had asked for. When I arrive, he tells me that all the staff meals are going to be 25 cents more expensive than what I was quoted... 24 HOURS EARLIER. I got so upset with him, but dealt with it in a really scary passive-aggressive manner. I think he was intimidated by me... maybe. But, we didn't have another choice, so we ate there. Thennnn we took the kids to an Asheville Tourists Minor League baseball game. There were some problems with the tickets, but it was revealed that the problem was my fault because I lost my ability to add simple numbers for 15 minutes. But the problem was solved and we headed inside. It was awesome because the kids got so into it. They were yelling and having fun. That is, until the 5th inning. At that point, they started looking like an advertisement for Ritalin. I mean, they were staring at the sky, bouncing in their seats, punching each other, picking their noses, crying, singing, and all around showing every symptom of extreme boredness. So, we got on out of that piece. As we were walking out, Judgmental Shay came out and I began wishing that everyone in the real world was like the people I go to school with in terms of dressing well and not being loud and gross and smelling like copious amounts of cigarette smoke. I feel bad... but I still feel that way a little bit. So hate me if you want. Sorry.

don't talk to me if yo breath stank.

Oh man... I sit here, writing this blog, thinking about how much I freakin miss Andrew Shirley and Patrick Patterson. I would like to just say that the two men pictured above may be two of the coolest guys I have ever encountered. And I would do about anything for them to stay at camp for the rest of the summer. So... there is my shoutout to those studs. I can't wait to hang out with them in the Spring. Oh snap. Buuut... ok, so the last time I posted was Thursday, which means I have to talk about that day. It was a rough day in terms of having the worst OA I have ever been a part of. But whatever. That has come and gone. I would much rather talk about the incredibly inept Coke truck driver who got himself stuck at camp for TWO HOURS! He ran his truck into one of our power poles and almost knocked it down, and then was stuck. We had to call a tow truck, which pulled him out after a while. And then, this master of the road got his truck stuck AGAIN. I feel as though everyone is aware of the way I feel about people who can't do their jobs. My eyes contained so much disdain for this man that I am surprised his truck didn't get itself unstuck just so I would stop looking at it. Seriously, we get Coke dropped off at camp like every week and nothing like this ever happens. I mean, honestly... this man's JOB... what he DOES FOR A LIVING... is to drive a truck. And he got it stuck... twice. I mean, are you freakin KIDDING me? It was just painful to watch. I mean, I feel a little bad for him, because I know he was really embarassed. But, whatever. It made me angry... and laugh. Also, David Weaver came to visit camp later that afternoon which was amazing because everychild just looked at him like he was an alien. We don't have very many black people here, let alone those who are 6'10". So that made me laugh. Then like 30 kids asked him for an autograph. I was crackin up. That night was tribal fires, and it did nothing but made me sad because the SALT guys were leaving. After Taps that night, we had a surprise Luau for the SALT guys in Roger's Retreat. It was amazing because the entire staff was there eating BBQ, watermelon, drinking soda, and dancing to (edited) rap music. At one point, someone played "Since U Been Gone" and the entire staff of 60 males was jumping up and down singing every word. Priceless. That night was phenomenal. (Sidenote: Speaking of Kelly Clarkson, a friend of a friend gave 4 of us FREE tickets in the first 20 rows to go see Kelly in Charlotte on July 4. You have no idea how excited I am.) The next day was Closing Day... and let me just tell you that it made me incredibly happy to know that I was going to have some time off. Me and 4 other people went home to Concord where we ate, slept, and watched Madea... the three essentials of life. I got to hang with Graeme in Charlotte, which was awesome. It makes me sad that I will just be out of the country for 3 months and not see anyone. Today was Opening Day. It was boring. But the children we have this two weeks are crazy, so I can't wait to tell you about the insanity that is about to take place. Ladies and gentlemen, buckle your seatbelts.